How to post and comment on social media about illness or death
Whether it is posting a death announcement, a tribute, creating a memorial page or sharing updates about a loved one’s terminal illness, social media has empowered millions of people to grieve and memorialize their loved ones, friends, and even those they may not have known personally. However, the rules on how to write, and respond, to a social media post about a death are still being written.
We’ve put together a list of general guidelines to consider when crafting a post about a death on social media. Hopefully these suggestions are of some help. And if you’re interested, check out our piece on the best social media accounts to follow that deal with grief:
How to post about a loved one’s death
Ensure that next of kin, close family, and friends have been notified about the death first.
Don’t be reactive. Take the time you need to process and communicate to your inner circle about the passing of your loved one.
Social media's ability to disperse information is a double-edged sword. Make sure you are intentional about how extended friends and family are made aware.
Reaffirm your intention of the social media post.
A death announcement should be short and logistical in nature. Consider including the following:
Create, post and link to the online obituary
Share the date, time, and location of the funeral and burial services.
Link to a memorial fund that individuals can donate to.
Since this is sensitive information, we encourage you to check your privacy settings on all of your social media sites and on devices (as privacy settings vary by device).
Follow your loved ones’ wishes.
If available, follow their written instructions about how they wanted their social media presence handled.
Did they want their social media account(s) turned into a memorial page?
Did they want them removed?
Take into account your loved one’s presence on social media
If they were a high utilizer, then the post will help inform their social community and help to share information about the funeral and burial services
If they were a low utilizer of social media, then a post would be an ineffective way of notifying their social community.
Identify the most effective social media sites for your post
Consider posting on Facebook, Twitter, and/or Instagram if your loved one used these channels to maintain relationships with friends and family near and far.
Consider posting on LinkedIn if your loved one used this channel to maintain their professional relationships.
Identify a trusted person to manage the social media sites on your behalf
When posting on social media there is always a risk for misinformation, negative comments and fraudulent behavior.
Identifying a trusted person to monitor the sites will help to minimize these risks and maintain the intention of the post.
How to post a tribute
While online obituaries are still very common, tributes on social media honor both the person who has passed and the people grieving. Tributes provide a platform for a collective digital remembrance of the individual.
Below are a few examples of public figures posting tributes mourning the loss of loved ones and friends on social media, which you can use as guides for writing your own:
Michelle Obama’s Instagram tribute to Rep. John Lewis:
John Travolta’s Instagram tribute to his beautiful wife Kelly Preston:
How to comment on a tribute
We often feel moved to comment on a tribute on social media but may not always know what to say. Here are a few suggestions:
Post a message of remembrance or an appropriate photo of the individual to participate in collective grieving.
If you know the person personally, connect with them directly by responding in the medium in which you received the news. For example, if they posted on Facebook, direct message them your condolences.
If you know the person personally, offer to be a good listener whenever they are ready.
In an effort to be supportive to the grieving loved one, avoid phrases like “they are in a better place”. Instead, express empathy and sympathy by stating “I am sorry for your loss or there are simply no words to express what you are feeling.”
How to post about a terminal illness on social media
When a person is diagnosed with a terminal illness, whether that is a grandparent, parent, child or friend, it is devastating. It’s important to remember that there are strategies for coping with a terminal illness and that everyone processes feelings about end-of-life differently. Some turn to social media to document their experience while building a support system along the way. Below are a few examples of how social media is being used during end-of-life:
These platforms not only support dying loved ones but also provide a network of collective grief supporters for their loved ones when they pass.
Experiences of death are becoming more transparent as stories are shared online. The asymmetry of information that historically healthcare professionals had over the public is diminishing as social media and technology provides channels for sharing experiences.
Photos, videos, posts and comments serve as a memorial of loved ones during times before, during and after a loved one has passed.