How to improve strained relations between older adults and caregivers

Many elders and caregivers enjoy each other’s company and value their relationship. And just like friends and families, elders and caregivers may argue from time to time. Considering the frequency that they are together and the challenging tasks that they complete, that is quite normal. However, if it becomes a regular occurrence, it may negatively affect the lives of both older adults and caregivers. This article shares ideas for argumentative elders and caregivers to build understanding, trust, and friendship.

Have a family member who is familiar with both parties

An elder and caregiver who cannot resolve an issue may need a mediator. When an elder and caregiver’s conversation becomes hostile, an elder’s relative may be able to de-escalate it. The elder’s relative should explain both people’s point of views in a neutral and inoffensive way. They should also correctly demonstrate the task that caused conflict. This may prevent future conflict by increasing the caregiver’s knowledge and the elder’s satisfaction. A person outside of an elder and caregiver’s argument may see the problem and solution before they do.

Have a discussion about the elder’s previous caregivers

An elder’s experience with a past caregiver may shape their experience with their current caregiver. The elder may project a past caregiver’s ways onto their current caregiver out of concern for their safety. For example, a past caregiver may have committed theft. As a result, the elder may fear their current caregiver will commit theft as well.

If the elder opens up about their past caregivers and fears, their current caregiver can reassure them with words and actions. This heart-to-heart may demonstrate that both people are willing to listen to and communicate with each other. An elder’s vulnerability and a caregiver’s transparency can help them see the good in each other.

Create a list of daily tasks together

Finding the middle ground between an elder’s needs and a caregiver’s abilities can balance their relationship. The elder and their caregiver should admit what tasks they are comfortable doing and not doing. That will allow the elder and their caregiver to know each other’s boundaries. Being aware of each other’s boundaries will keep the elder and their caregiver from overstepping them and developing resentment towards each other over time. In order to stop pushing someone to their limits, you must know what their limits are.

Spend quality time together

Taking a walk is a great opportunity for an elder and their caregiver to get exercise, admire scenery, and strengthen their connection. As they take a walk, they can exchange stories and jokes that reveal their kindness and humor to each other. Doing this a few times a week will keep them from feeling stir-crazy and taking it out on each other. It will also keep the elder from wandering outside alone and risking getting lost. After taking a walk, an elder and their caregiver may view each other as good company.

Consider selecting a different caregiver

In every work environment, a team must be on the same page for the best results. An elder and their caregiver may not be on the same page due to a mismatch in personality, communication, or needs and abilities. One should not take it personally if the other decides to work with a different person.

Arguments may make an elder stressed and worsen their health conditions. The elder may benefit more from working with a specialist for their health conditions. Meanwhile, arguments may make a caregiver unable to focus on their tasks. The caregiver may benefit more from working at a location where they can improve their performance and feel helpful. If an elder and their caregiver fail to connect, working with different people may be better for both of them in the long run.

Some arguments between an elder and caregiver may be overlooked, while others may be red flags. Their communication may be more successful with the intervention of an elder’s relative. Not only should they communicate about their relationship, but their previous elder and caregiver relationships as well. Their relationship can be based on respect by establishing boundaries and companionship by taking walks together. If their relationship cannot be mended with these suggestions, they may not be compatible work partners. Elder and caregiver relationships are not perfect, but their benefits to both people make them worth it.

— Madison Kemp