How to grieve the loss of a sibling

Growing up, your brothers and sisters are right beside you every step of the way. They may attend the same schools, spend time with the same friends, and practice the same hobbies as you do. That’s why when you lose a brother or sister, it may feel like you are losing yourself. The special bond you have with a brother or a sister may make you feel grief like you never have before. This article suggests healthy ways to grieve your sibling at an individual, family, and community level.

Lean on those in your family

Your relatives may be grieving your sibling the same way that you are. You and your relatives can form a support system where you all express your grief to each other, listen to each other grieve, and offer advice to each other. Grief may cause you and your relatives to unintentionally neglect important tasks. You can be there to remind each other to drink, eat, and do basic chores.

Even with support and reminders, you and your relatives may still struggle to adjust to the loss of your sibling. In that case, family therapy may be more effective. With luck, shared love for a sibling may cause a distant family to come closer together.

Reach out to people outside of your family

You do not have to grieve your sibling in isolation. Becoming involved in your local community can uplift and empower you at this difficult time. You can participate in a sibling support group centered around individuals who have lost a sibling to express feelings that you may not be able to express to your relatives. Additionally, you can create or join a book club to learn about your unique form of grief and how to cope with it in healthy ways. Lastly, you can volunteer for a non-profit organization to feel fulfillment while grieving your sibling.

Celebrate your sibling on special days

In addition to their birthdays, holidays can be treated as opportunities to honor the connection and memories that you had with your sibling. Use National Siblings Day to reflect on the bond that you shared with them and Valentine’s Day to reflect on the love that made it strong.

Your sibling can also have a “physical” presence at events if you continue to include them in traditions. For example, some may find hanging their stocking, displaying their ornaments, or preparing their favorite dishes at Christmas to be an apt, if affecting, tribute to a lost sibling. You do not have to suppress your thoughts and feelings about your sibling to grieve them.

Be patient with yourself

The most important thing to remember about grieving your sibling is that it cannot be done “right”, “wrong”, “too short”, or “too long”. You may not only be grieving the loss of your sibling, but also the loss of your greatest role model, confidant, and supporter. In addition to feeling grief, these losses may make you feel directionless, lonely, and unmotivated. You may not be ready to discuss certain topics and do certain activities when your relatives are, but one day you will be. Grieving at your own pace will allow you to properly heal.

Losing a sibling may feel like losing the person that’s most like you and understands you the best. After all, the word sibling comes not only from the words for relative or kin, but also the words for love and friendship. While processing the loss of your sibling, your relatives may be able to comfort you and help you maintain your health. Your local community may also have outlets for you to express your grief with others. If you prefer to process the loss of your sibling alone, you can do some internal reflection on sibling-related holidays. There is no “ideal” way to grieve a sibling, so any non-harmful way that you choose to do so is acceptable. Grieving a sibling is not a short-term event, but a long-term process.

— Madison Kemp