How to "grieve" our past selves

When we reflect on the younger versions of ourselves, many of us may recall being more care-free, confident, and outgoing. Later on in our lives, there may have been a series of events that made us more anxious, insecure, and withdrawn. We may feel sadness when we notice such shifts in our personalities. However, these shifts are a natural part of the living experience. This article will help you learn where your new traits derived from, how to accept them, and how they benefit you.

Reflect on traumatic events that may have changed you

Usually, we can trace the shifts in our personalities back to specific periods of time. Most likely, these were times when we were expected to fulfill more responsibilities than anticipated. They may also be times when we were humbled, belittled, or placed in danger.

While it may be emotionally challenging to revisit these memories, it may enhance your understanding of your current self. You may come to the conclusion that your mind may have developed defense mechanisms to help you, not hurt you. Even if we don’t take care of our mind, our mind attempts to take care of us.

Realize that you have not lost yourself completely

When we experience shifts in our personalities, we may fear that we will never be like our past selves again. This is because we may believe that our previous traits were replaced. In actuality, our previous traits were repressed, or kept inside.

The good news is that previous traits that were repressed can appear again with practice. For example, if your positivity was repressed, you can work on becoming positive again by making gratitude lists, reflecting on those things that you’re thankful for. Sometimes, the person who we want to be is who we already are: we just have to rediscover them.

Acknowledge that it is normal to change over time

When we look around, we may feel like we are the only ones who have changed while everyone else has stayed the same. However, everyone has undergone change, no matter what kind of life they have lived. Often, change indicates growth.

When we change, it is because we have learned something about ourselves, others, or the world. You may look at your changes as steps back right now, but you may look at them as steps forward in the future.

Appreciate your new characteristics

Often, the personality traits that we are insecure about do not bother other people. Other people may even admire them! Our self-critical natures may make it easier for us to see the negative aspects of our personality traits, but there are positive aspects as well. For example, a cautious person may view themselves as uptight. Meanwhile, other people may view them as responsible. Practicing self-love and altering your perspective may allow you to realize your potential.

There are many strategies that you can use to cope with a shift in your personality. You can begin by determining when and why the shift in your personality occurred. Make sure to remind yourself that the shift in your personality does not have to be permanent. If you feel like it will be, remember that everyone undergoes change. A change in your traits will give you new things that you can learn to like about yourself.

— Madison Kemp