How to date again as a widow

After losing a spouse or significant other, it can be difficult to imagine dating again. You may be asking yourself questions like, what’s the right amount of time to wait? And am I up for it? Not everyone will decide to date again after they become a widow or widower, but as social beings, it’s natural for many people to desire companionship and romantic love. We know there can be a mix of emotions navigating the dating scene as a widow or widower, so we’ve compiled a few tips to help you through the process. 

Saying no to guilt 

It is only natural to have some feelings of guilt after you’ve decided to begin dating again. Our whole lives we are taught to expect only one true love to share our lives with. Words and notions like “soulmate” and “the One” are romantic in their own way, but in truth love can be more complicated than that. It’s important to acknowledge that although your spouse made you very happy, there are other people out there who can make you happy in a new way.

You also should recognize that wanting human companionship, a connection, someone to go out to restaurants with and cuddle with at night is not wrong. Having someone to share experiences with is an emotion everyone, including your former spouse, would understand. While respecting your past experience, you deserve to live your life to the fullest. 

Telling children

Telling your children you intend to date, or are dating again, can seem really difficult. If your spouse was their parent, and if they’re still heavily grieving, it can be hard for them to accept life moving forward. But your children can’t decide what’s right for you, and while it may be hard for them to accept, in due time they will see that this is something you need and want. They may need time to process their own emotions, but eventually they will grieve in their own way and come to respect your choices.

If you are feeling stressed about telling your children, also keep in mind that some children may be open to the idea. Especially if your spouse has been gone for a long time, your children could be happy that you are moving forward. Regardless of what other people think, only you can decide what’s best for you. 

Finding the right person

I think all of us can remember that dating is not always a walk in the park, and that’s as true today as it was before you were married. As an older adult it may be even harder to enter the dating scene, but luckily we have many ways to meet people. Taking classes, going to events such as book signings, shows, or other things you like to do are classic ways to meet new people.

Another tactic you can give a chance to is online dating. While it may seem strange or impersonal, online dating has gained popularity and a good reputation over the years. There are no guarantees, but online dating introduces you to a wide variety of people, all looking for what you want.  Some popular ones include SilverSingles, eharmony, Zoosk, MatureDating, and more. Just enter who you are, what you like, and what you’re looking for, and give love a chance.

Even if you have a few dates that are…sub-optimal, chances are that you’ll eventually meet someone interesting and fun, and there’s no harm in trying. There’s a lot of people in this world, and you’ll never know where you could find (another) special someone. 

Go at your pace and communicate

Once you find the right person, being in a relationship as a widow or widower will feel different than when you were dating before you were married. Instead of meeting the parents, you’ll be meeting children and grandchildren. You may sometimes really miss your spouse, and that’s okay. You’re allowed to still love your spouse even while you’re in a loving and committed relationship with someone else. Your spouse will always be a part of you, and if your new partner cannot accept that then they aren’t ready to love all of you.

You should also remember to be honest and communicate with your new partner. If there are things that remind you of your partner you should feel free to talk about them sometimes if you want to.

If you are still dealing with your grief and want to slow down the pace of your current relationship, you need to tell that to your partner too. Transparency is good for any relationship, and being honest about your feelings, even the difficult ones, is part of that. 

Dating again after a spouse has passed can seem daunting and scary, but we hope that this article has reassured you that it is certainly possible. Love comes in many forms, and it only grows the more and more people you let into your life. We hope you allow love to find you again, and open your heart to laughter and happiness. 

— Avery Tamura