The best ways to boost self esteem as an older adult

Everyone wants to feel good about who they are. Unfortunately, that can become harder with age. In present-day society, we are constantly bombarded with images idolizing youth, along with ageist messages about how ill-equipped older adults are to handle life. In an environment where aging holds a negative connotation, it’s not hard to understand why many older adults struggle to accept themselves. Luckily, there are actions you can take to overcome these obstacles and increase your self-esteem and confidence at any age. Here are a few suggestions.

Identify and Focus On What Makes You Feel Good 

The first step to feeling better about yourself is to find the parts about you that you feel good about. Maybe the parts of yourself that you take pride in change as you get older. You’re not the same person you were ten years ago, but that doesn’t mean you are worse. For example, if you were someone who took a lot of pride in your work but are now retired, focus that energy on one of your hobbies.

You can probably still see the qualities that you value - such as a hard work ethic, determination, and intelligence -  in the work you put into those personal pursuits. Many older adults struggle with the idea of losing their attractiveness, and this can be brought on with things like wrinkles, grey hairs, hair loss, and other signs of aging. But instead of focusing on the things that you find undesirable, focus on the things that still make you feel attractive, such as the color of your eyes or your adorable dimples. 

Social Connections

Another way to raise your self-esteem is to have an active social life. While it may not be intuitive, having a support network can be crucial to lifting and maintaining your self-esteem. People with close friends and family are typically happier, and are usually more happy with themselves.

You can talk to your friends or family about how aging has affected your self-esteem, and more likely than not, they’ll remind you of all the wonderful things about you. Sometimes it’s helpful to look at yourself from someone else’s eyes. People tend to be more critical of themselves than others, so getting another perspective on your self-image can help you get beyond your own self-doubt. If you want more people to join your circle, click here for ways to make new friends as an older adult. 

Redefine Success 

Another way to raise your confidence is to remember that you should only evaluate yourself on your own terms, according to your own values. Because of the ageist messages we get all the time, it’s easy to start measuring your worth by what society dictates is valuable - like physical activity, traditional attractiveness, whether you’re employed, and other measures that don’t provide a good idea of how amazing you are.

To combat this, you may have to do some soul-searching about the ways that you are “successful.” Are you happy? Maybe you get to read more and have more hobbies after retirement? Do you always have the answer and advice to help your friends and family? Make a list of all the ways you are great and review them when you need a confidence boost. These are all ways that you can validate yourself; it shows all the ways that you value yourself, outside of how other people see you. 

Practice Affirmations

For some, positive affirmations can give a much needed confidence boost. Affirmations are positive statements you say to yourself (some people say it in the mirror), such as “I will make the most of new opportunities” or “I speak with confidence and calm assurance.” Check out a list of 100 positive affirmations here, or download this app that gives you daily affirmations to say to yourself. Some people say one daily to get their day started right, but you can say one when you’re feeling down or on a weekly basis, whatever works for you.

There is one caveat for affirmations: they work best when you could actually believe them. For example, if the statement “I succeed at everything I do” sounds too extreme for you, instead change it to something simpler like “I persevere until I succeed.” For an added benefit, strike a power pose while saying your affirmation. Some people claim that striking a powerful pose for a few seconds or minutes can actually make you feel more powerful. This may not work for everyone, but if you try you might like the results. The most popular power pose is to stand with your feet shoulder width apart, put your hands on your hips, and puff out your chest a little. 

Self-esteem can feel like a lifelong battle, and in many ways it is. But hopefully, using tips and resources from here, you can start to boost your self-esteem and remember your self worth. 

— Avery Tamura