Reflecting on COVID-19, and looking ahead

It was more than a year ago that I received an email from my University Dean that all undergraduate students would be sent home due to the rising COVID-19 pandemic. Ironic, really, since moments before that, my friends and I were joking about the possibility of us going into lockdown. Within that moment and the couple months after, I went through my everyday life as if I were on some extended holiday, with the exception of virtual meetings and classes. I got to spend time with my family that I would not have gotten before, and even though there wasn’t really anything to “do,” it wasn’t too bad, since my hometown was an outdoorsy place anyway. Hikes and backyards were trending now, weren’t they?

But then, slowly, my online classes started creeping up on me. My usual study habits were plagued by the costs of learning online, the removal of social interactions beyond my family, and the distrust of the country as differing political views battled with the health and safety of individuals. The hobbies that I could dive back into within the first couple months of quarantine started losing interest, and the friends I missed were too far and too unsafe to see. The once structured and busy daily schedules I once enjoyed were wittled down to Zoom meetings and mealtimes.

An odd feeling emerged when my life became confined to a computer; it’s as though I was watching life move on through a movie screen, but I’m firmly planted in the theatre seats. Although my experiences seem so miniscule in comparison to those who lost jobs or close friends/family, my journey with COVID-19 highlights the perspective of those who lost the passion for the everyday. Each day became blurred with one another, and I found myself wandering through one day and simply existing in the next. 

When university started back up in the Fall of 2020, I tried to convince myself that I would be okay. For the most part, I was. Even into the spring of 2021, I tried my best to bring back the structure and passion for the everyday. I organized a new desk set up, redecorated my college apartment, and proactively worked on assignments and projects while actively searching for remote internships. This transitional period was me trying to force distractions so that I could fool myself that life is exactly what it was.

But then, after a while, getting out of bed became difficult. What did I have to look forward to anyway? Meeting up with friends when the vaccines started being administered became a hassle. Why do that when I can just watch Netflix? Slowly, I started pushing aside the things that most excited me before COVID. Why was I doing that? I couldn’t quite figure it out, really. 

After a while, I got tired of being tired. I slowly started working on myself; I started going to the gym again, meeting up with friends, pursuing the arts and crafts I had enjoyed. It seemed like I could go back to “normal,” whatever that meant. However, with the possibility of another lockdown looming over us, I am not sure what this transitional period will bring.

COVID-19 highlighted our divisiveness, more so than ever before; it became too easy to judge one another through a representation of a mask (or no mask). But COVID-19 also highlighted our resilience, our creativity, and our passion for quality of life. Would the next (possible) lockdown emphasize the latter?

COVID-19 has changed each and everyone of us in a variety of ways, and it is difficult to say what another lockdown could bring into our transitioned lives. But the past quarantine has taught me many things: how I can find joy in relaxation, how I can motivate myself with no one around me, how I can pursue my goals at the tip of my fingers. As I look forward, I can’t help but be a little anxious about what the next year will bring. But I have grown in ways that I could not have imagined. That’s what transitional periods are for, aren’t they?

I cannot guarantee that I will have the same growth in the next (possible) lockdown, but I am confident that I will be okay. Resiliency is in human nature, and most of us experience it before we even become conscious of such a concept. Our world has changed so much since last year, but change is what makes the world go round. Even when we are tired after too many Zoom calls, our ability to adapt will always be there, and it is amazing to know what we are capable of. 

— Jenny Kim