Reconnecting With An Estranged Loved One

Whether quickly or at a glacial pace, sometimes people drift apart and lose contact with one another. With life’s unpredictability, estrangement from loved ones can occur so quickly that it is almost unnoticeable. Losing touch with someone with whom you once shared a strong bond is nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone does so at some point in their life and oftentimes it is unavoidable. Though estrangement is oftentimes inevitable, it does not always have to be permanent.

Regardless of the circumstances which caused your separation, reconnection with a distant loved one can be possible through hard work and dedication. Similar to how there are numerous ways in which, and nuances to how relationships can come to an end, so too are there multiple ways in which, and nuances to how they can be resumed. 

START SLOWLY 

When reaching out to a distant loved one, either through internet resources or mutual acquaintances, it is best not to be forceful with your intentions and let the process run its natural course. By being too open and expressive of your desire to resume your relationship, you risk the possibility of coming off as desperate and putting off those with whom you wish to reconnect.

In situations such as these, it is best to start by humbly greeting your loved one and asking how they have been in the time since your estrangement. Patience is also important during times such as these, as people usually need time to gather their thoughts on how to respond, and persistent messaging can again come off as offputting. Starting slowly and practicing patience indicates respect for your associate’s boundaries, a genuine want to reestablish your disrupted relationship with them, and a willingness to let events transpire naturally at a pace they are comfortable with.  

SHOW INTEREST

Showing legitimate interest in your loved one’s life is an excellent way of naturally instigating conversation and learning more about what they have been up to. From there it would be beneficial to describe a few details from your own life, though it is important not to over-divulge as then the other party would be liable to believe that you are only interested in talking about yourself.  

During this stage of reconnection, it is still important to practice patience and avoid prying into more personal details of your loved one’s life. As stated previously, this has the potential to infringe on their boundaries and encourage them to cease contact with you. 

ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR REASONS FOR SEPARATION

To try and ignore the reasons for which you and your loved one parted ways would be pointless. Eventually, at some point during the process of reconnection, what caused you and your loved one to separate will come up and need to be addressed. This discussion between you and your loved one should not be feared as, if navigated effectively, it can potentially strengthen the bond you two share.

When this topic comes about, it is vital to remain neutral on the subject and avoid assigning an excess of blame to yourself or your loved one. Doing so carries the risk of reigniting older tensions and damaging the burgeoning connection between you and your loved one. For the sake of you and your loved one’s mental health, and the preservation of your relationship, discuss the cause for your estrangement from an objective perspective and do not let emotional bias’ dictate the conversation.

DON’T BE HARD ON YOURSELF

As stated previously, human relationships are complex. The process of initiating/reinitiating one is tricky and has a high likelihood for failure and mistakes. Faltering in your efforts to reunite with a distant loved one should be expected, and outright being unable to achieve such goals is never an unlikely possibility. 

With this in mind, it is important to forgive yourself if your attempts to reconnect with someone you were once close with do not pan out and are unsuccessful. Some relationships are simply meant to remain concluded for a litany of reasons. This reflects poorly on neither you nor your loved one, and you should feel pride for your bravery and willingness to take a risk in the name of your happiness and mental wellbeing.

Contrary to popular belief, some relationships do not last forever. It is perfectly natural for loved ones to drift apart and lose contact with one another as life goes on and unpredictable events make maintaining certain connections difficult. However, if a particular person once lit up the sky and somehow made life just the slightest bit more manageable, a phone call, email or letter never hurt anybody.  

— Tucker Shuff