On gray divorce: what older adults should consider as they assess their relationships

In recent years, the term “gray divorce”—which refers to divorce between two older adults—has become more prevalent. This makes sense, as more and more older adults are starting to get divorced, including rates as high as 43% among those 55 to 64 according to the Census Bureau.

There are many reasons older couples may choose to divorce, but usually older couples split up because the relationship is no longer exciting. After so many years together, the relationship can get monotonous, and especially once the kids are gone there may not seem to be much of a pull to stay together.

Before someone makes such a consequential decision, however, they should reflect on some of the following important pros and cons associated with divorce:

Life After Divorce Could Be A Second Chance

One positive of divorcing in modern day is that divorce, even in older age, does not necessarily mean being single for the rest of your life. With online dating and longer life expectancy, life after divorce can be more like a new beginning, with plenty of opportunities to find and build a stronger, more exciting relationship with someone else.

While it may seem strange or impersonal, online dating has gained popularity and a good reputation over the years. There are no guarantees, but online dating introduces you to a wide variety of people, some of whom may be looking for what you want.  Some popular ones include SilverSingles, eharmony, Zoosk, MatureDating, and more.

Financial Considerations

One important consideration when thinking about divorce as an older adult is about retirement money. Older adults are more likely to be retired, which means that divorce can eat at funds or savings. Financial security is not always the best reason for staying in an unhappy marriage, but at the same time, if you are living on Social Security or a retirement plan, it is prudent to think about how divorce could affect your finances.

Perhaps instead of hiring divorce lawyers, an agreement can be made between spouses out of court, and that way cut down the cost. One could agree to separate from one’s spouse instead of divorce, or agree to pool finances as they did while married. Or one could come up with a budget detailing how to live off of what one would expect to get in a divorce, and see if perhaps one could stay with a relative to save money or get a small part-time job.

These aren’t pleasant things to think about, but as an older adult, income can be limited, and that can make divorce harder. 

Trying to Make It Work 

This article is aimed at giving you options and important considerations when it comes to divorce, and as such it is crucial to remember that instead of leaving a less than satisfactory marriage, you can also try to fix it.

If you don’t think divorce is right for you, then there are plenty of methods and ways to spice up a marriage. You could see a marriage counselor, read books from experts on the subject, or maybe implement things to breathe new life into the marriage, such as regular date nights or taking a class together. Maybe these tactics won’t do anything for your marriage, but in most cases it is at least worth trying to improve the relationship before throwing in the towel. 

Divorce can be a touchy subject for lots of people, but we hope that this article can help guide you through thinking about divorce in a practical and calm manner. For older couples, divorce can have much different consequences than for younger couples, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. At the end of the day, it’s all about doing what you think is best for you, whether that’s leaving a marriage that just doesn’t seem worth it anymore, or trying to make it work.

— Avery Tamura