How to write a eulogy

Writing a eulogy for someone, whether it’s a friend, family member, or someone else, is an opportunity to capture the life and ethos of the deceased. This written remembrance can include accomplishments, attributes, and memories created together throughout a lifetime. Because you may be grieving as you prepare, you may feel overwhelmed, or like you don’t know where to start. We have provided some key tips on how to write a eulogy to use during this time.

Find inspiration - Devote time to talk with loved ones and friends of the deceased. This may also include looking through photos, videos, or other memorabilia. Exchange stories, ask questions, and talk about accomplishments to help you paint a picture of the life lived. Talking through ideas and highlighting events will help you outline the eulogy. At this time you may find it helpful to write down what you have discussed with family and friends along with any photos or content you may want to include in the eulogy. 

Brainstorm - Now begin to write down all of the inspiring stories, perspectives, and photos that you have gathered by talking with family and friends. Think of this as a way to capture ideas and themes for the eulogy. What were their favorite foods, music, travel destinations, and activities? What qualities and life journey made them most unique? As with any brainstorming activity, write it all down now and edit it later. 

Choose a theme - There are three main types of themes that you can choose from to organize your eulogy. They are biographical, personal, and specialized. The biographical theme is a timeline of the high points, the accomplishments, awards, and other events that may have impacted the lives of others. The personal theme focuses on the memories that people have of the person who passed, along with personal memories of others. The specialized theme relates to something that was unique to the departed, or something that everyone can relate to. These eulogies can be humorous and lighthearted in nature.

Examples of tender, respectful, genuine, and lighthearted celebrity eulogies: 

• Steve Irwin - Eulogy by daughter Bindi Irwin. “My daddy was my hero, he was always there for me when I needed him.” This eulogy has a personal theme to it as Bindi reflects on her relationship with her father and and his legacy, which she plans to continue. 

• Kobe Bryant & Gianna Bryant - Eulogy by wife and mother Vanessa Bryant: “Kobe was known as a fierce competitor on the basketball court, the greatest of all time, a writer, an Oscar winner, and the Black Mamba. But to me, he was my sweet husband and the beautiful father to our children.” This eulogy has a biographical theme as Vanessa speaks to her husband's accomplishments and sheds light on how he impacted others both personally and professionally. 

• Muhammad Ali - Eulogy by comedian and long time friend Billy Crystal “I was clean shaven when this started.” This eulogy is an example of a specialized theme as Billy focused on bringing humor and his relationship with Ali to the forefront. 

Write - Start building your outline of the eulogy with overriding themes and three or four main topics to speak to. Writing in a conversational tone will help you digest and deliver the eulogy. On average, eulogies are between five and ten minutes long. Shorter eulogies are as impactful as (if not more impactful than) long, drawn-out ones. Along with respecting the deceased’s life, you also want to keep your listeners engaged. 

Feedback and Practice - Now that you have drafted the eulogy, you can ask your family and friends for feedback. Ask them specifically to review the eulogy for tone, content, and length. Once finalized, you can practice the eulogy in front of a mirror or with a friend or family member. The more you practice, the more comfortable you will be with the story and words you have written.

Delivery - One tip while delivering the eulogy is to look beyond the guests by looking at the back of the room. Making eye contact and seeing guests react to your eulogy will be emotional. While it is natural to be emotional during this time, you want to focus on the story and celebration of the deceased’s life. 

What have you found to be helpful when writing and delivering a eulogy? We encourage you to share your example or thoughts on this process in the comments below.

— Lesley Hellow