How to tell family and friends about a terminal diagnosis

Receiving a terminal diagnosis can be very overwhelming in and of itself. On top of that, sharing news of it while you are coming to terms can feel even more difficult.

Because this process is unique to each person, remember that your path doesn’t need to follow what others expect or what you feel you “need” to do. This is a time to put yourself first and follow what you feel is right. As you navigate what this means for you and the people you care about, we’ve put together a few things to consider to make this process easier as you face these conversations.

Decide who you want to tell

Receiving a terminal diagnosis can be a very personal thing. If you do not feel comfortable sharing with everyone, that is something you can decide. If you want to keep this information restricted to just your close family and friends, you can decide which people you want to tell about the diagnosis. It is never selfish to know your boundaries and to be clear setting them. You can ask those with whom you share to keep the information confidential if you do not wish for the diagnosis to be public information.

This can also be a time to re-evaluate relationships. If you have become distant or estranged to a friend or family member, reaching out and sharing this information can be understandably more difficult. Take time to process on your own terms and decide if you would like to reconnect with those people to tell them about your diagnosis and resolve any past feelings. 

Figure out what you are comfortable sharing

Along with setting boundaries of who to tell, you can also decide what to tell. You may not feel comfortable opening up to the more intimate details while you learn to adjust. With your closest friends and family, you may feel comfortable revealing more personal details of your diagnosis and your experience and what you are feeling. With less familiar people, you may only feel comfortable sharing your diagnosis without any details.

Again, you can be clear with those you share what your expectations are with confidentiality surrounding what you share with them. 

Make time to share

Find a time and place where you are most comfortable. You may find yourself being comfortable sharing with a few people at a time, or you may decide that you would prefer to have these conversations one-on-one. Pick a time and a place where YOU feel most comfortable and safe sharing. This can help provide some structure during a time of uncertainty and can help you open up about your experience if you have already made the time and space for this conversation ahead of time.

Know your expectations

During this time, you may be looking for someone to listen or help you process. You may be looking for someone to step in and help you tackle some daily activities to lessen your workload. Or, you may be looking for someone to help take your mind off the diagnosis and to go experience things you enjoy.

Take some time to think about what it is you need from people so you can better communicate that with them. You will likely be expecting different things from different people, so having an idea of what role they play in your life and how that affects your expectations can be helpful prior to sharing your diagnosis with loved ones.

Sharing your diagnosis looks a little different for everybody, and may be different based on who you are sharing with. There are many ways you can go about it, and however you choose to approach this is a great step towards processing this for yourself as well. In an ideal world, sharing this diagnosis can help bring your family and friends together to form a support system for you to help bring you comfort during this time. 

— Missy Roney