Plan a funeral and burial or cremation
Planning for a funeral or memorial can be one of the toughest parts about the grieving process. The work that goes into it can seem daunting and the options overwhelming. Below is a guide that addresses all aspects of the decision and, hopefully, makes the process easier for you.
1) It’s possible that the deceased had a plan already. Check the will and any pre-planning documents to see if they included their wishes for a funeral or memorial service. You can find more detailed instructions on how to find funeral planning documents here.
2) If there was no plan, decide what to do with the body.
In deciding what you wish to do with the body, there are a number of options, each with different prices, services, and religious or cultural significance. Click on the links below to find out more about the options and specific resources:
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If the death occurred out of the state or country, transfer the body if you want to bury it.
3) Decide how you want to celebrate the person’s life. You can do a funeral service, memorial/celebration of life, or virtual service.
Funeral service:
It can be arranged by a funeral home or crematory, usually very soon after death.
It may include a viewing or visitation.
You can have this in a home, graveside, or at a funeral parlor.
They tend to be more religious and traditional.
You may also have a post-funeral gathering (called a wake, shiva or repast depending on your tradition). This can be held at a religious venue, hall, or a house.
Memorial service or celebration of life:
It can occur any length of time after a funeral.
It can be held in addition to a funeral, or instead of a funeral.
It can be held anywhere.
The tone can vary from tearful to lively dependent on the preferences of the family.
Virtual funeral service:
Given current CDC guidance regarding COVID-19, large gatherings may be on hold.
You can still create a virtual event (wake, shiva, funeral reception, celebration of life, etc.).
It can be used in conjunction with your funeral home, if they are able, or facilitated on your own.
You can read instructions and get guidance on how to hold a virtual funeral here.
4) Once you decide on how you want to celebrate your loved one’s life, here are some steps to take:
Set the date and time. Consider the schedules of those who may need to travel for the service.
Choose a location. Make sure that there is enough space for the number of people you plan to invite.
Make a list of all the friends and family of the deceased.
You can delegate the task of notifying people about the event
You can also publish an obituary with the details of the service in case the deceased has friends that you don’t know. See the task on publishing an obituary for details
Make sure you have enough tables and chairs for everyone who will attend
Consider a separate table or podium with a guestbook.
Select the decorations and flowers. You can arrange for flower delivery here.
Decide how you want to memorialize the person at the service. You can get input from other family and friends on this. Ideas include:
A playlist with the deceased’s favorite songs that plays while people are gathering.
A slideshow of pictures of the deceased’s life.
Decide who will speak or perform works of art.
You can use a preset list of people who will speak.
Contact everyone who you would like to speak at the service so that they have time to prepare
Some people also choose to have an open mic to allow people to express themselves in the moment.
You can also have someone write or perform a poem or song for the deceased.
Decide what to do about food and drinks. You can get food catered or do a potluck. It depends on the personality of the deceased and the family.
Decide if you want to record or live stream the service. If so, you can hire a professional or ask a family member or friend to do this.
Alkaline hydrolysis disposes of remains using lye and heat. It is only available in some states.