How to arrange and hold a virtual funeral

Official guidance from the CDC on large gatherings and non-essential travel has nearly put a halt to funerals as we know them for an unknown period. Many funeral homes are over capacity or not technologically able to facilitate meaningful virtual events beyond the immediate cremation/burial of the body. These situational effects should not stop families from celebrating a life, sharing stories, and being together.

This guide gives you instructions and inspiration to create a virtual event (wake, shiva, funeral reception, celebration of life, etc.), giving you the opportunity to memorialize your loved one and on-demand help along the way. It can be used in conjunction with your funeral home, if they are able, or facilitated on your own.

How-To Guide

1. Setting up the technology

The technology you use is based on your preference. We’ve listed some popular options below based on your event type.

If you want to schedule individual time slots to mimic calling hours/wake/shiva:

Calendly allows attendees to schedule time slots to visit with the family (note you still need to choose a video conferencing technology below for the actual meeting) – Free
Gruveo is a video conferencing tool that will keep participants in a virtual queue to take turns speaking with the family without appointments – Free Trial

If you want to hold a virtual gathering where participants can see each other and share stories to mimic a reception or celebration of life:

Zoom: Free for 100 participant devices up to 40 minutes (note: your meeting will automatically end at 40 minutes); $15/month for 100 participant devices and unlimited time; $65/month for 500 participant devices and unlimited time
Skype: Free for 50 participant devices

If you are livestreaming a funeral home service or burial in real-time, we recommend working with the funeral home performing the event as many are equipped to livestream already. Alternatively, you could use your own equipment and livestreaming platform:

Periscope: Free through the app-store to set up and users on computers can easily view without an account, but there is only a 24-hour playback period making it hard to save your video
Facebook Live: Free livestreaming as easy as clicking “Go live” and filming with your iPhone, but requires viewers to have a Facebook account OR that you make the livestream public (meaning anyone could view it)

The exact settings will differ based on each website’s features, but here are the key settings we recommend adjusting based on your event (these are Zoom settings, as an example):

Registration – not required
Meeting ID – generate automatically
Require Meeting Password
Enable Video (so people don’t have to turn it on themselves)
Enable Telephone and Computer Audio (so people can dial-in by phone too)
Meeting Options
Enable Waiting Room (for security reasons)
Record the Meeting Automatically

2. Planning your event

The key to a successful virtual event is preparation. We recommend you create an agenda and all speakers are confirmed in advance before opening it up to any attendees, but this will depend on the format you want for the event.

Decide the format (assigned speakers, open-mic, etc.)
Designate one facilitator
Designate one person as tech support in case someone needs help during the event (they can go on mute and solve the issue)
Create the agenda
If applicable, choose:
- Readings
- Music
- Designated speakers
- Specific stories to be shared
Create the welcome slide or a presentation if you want to share your screen and show pictures
Make list of attendees and gather their contact information (usually email address, but you will want to call those who do not use email and give them the dial-in information)
We recommend doing a test run.

3. Inviting your loved ones

Send an invitation via your preferred method: email, Facebook, calendar event or an online invitation website (we like Evite, Paperless Post, and Minted)

In the invitation, include:

Details about the event so attendees know what to expect (should they be prepared to share a favorite story, joke or memory, should they wear a certain color, etc.)
The link to join by computer
The dial-in phone number (important for seniors who don’t use a computer)
If wake/calling hours/shiva: the Calendly link for each attendee to schedule a timeslot to join the event

You may also choose to include:

Instructions to use the technology, like Zoom’s help center (this can be found on the company’s website for whichever technology you choose)
A request that attendees co-located join the event together (if concerned about participant-count)
A notice that the event will be recorded, if applicable
Reminders to join from a quiet place with strong internet connection and to use headphones if they have trouble hearing
A contact person if they have technological difficulties

4. Hosting a successful event

The leader should do the following to kick off the event:

Consider allowing 5-10 minutes for attendees to join before getting started (you could have music playing and share a welcome screen with pictures of your loved one)
Begin recording the meeting when appropriate
Welcome everyone and introduce key participants (immediate family, speakers, etc.)
Set the stage for how the event will run (what’s the agenda, who is speaking, and if they will open the mic for others)
Share any key reminders (i.e., to use the “chat” feature if they have any issues and the tech support designee will assist, that this may be recorded, how to turn on/off the video feature and that they might be muted if they don’t have a speaking role)

During the event:

You can mute all participants to remove background noise, then ask only the speakers to unmute themselves for their speaking portion
If opening the mic for anyone to speak, encourage attendees to use the “raise your hand” feature or write in the “chat” if they would like to speak
Invite participants to use the chat feature to share stories and memories at the end of the event or throughout

After the event:

Save the chat contents if you’d like to keep what people wrote as a virtual guestbook
Record the event as a keepsake (you may also post it on a private website if you’d like others to be able to access it later or re-watch)

Want more help?

You can email us for assistance with your virtual event at no charge. We also have provided guidelines for conducting a home funeral here.

settling affairsJennifer GoodJune 15, 2020legacy and funeralComment

How to arrange and hold a virtual funeral

How-To Guide

1. Setting up the technology

The technology you use is based on your preference. We’ve listed some popular options below based on your event type.

If you want to schedule individual time slots to mimic calling hours/wake/shiva:

Calendly allows attendees to schedule time slots to visit with the family (note you still need to choose a video conferencing technology below for the actual meeting) – Free

Gruveo is a video conferencing tool that will keep participants in a virtual queue to take turns speaking with the family without appointments – Free Trial

If you want to hold a virtual gathering where participants can see each other and share stories to mimic a reception or celebration of life:

Zoom: Free for 100 participant devices up to 40 minutes (note: your meeting will automatically end at 40 minutes); $15/month for 100 participant devices and unlimited time; $65/month for 500 participant devices and unlimited time

Skype: Free for 50 participant devices

If you are livestreaming a funeral home service or burial in real-time, we recommend working with the funeral home performing the event as many are equipped to livestream already. Alternatively, you could use your own equipment and livestreaming platform:

Periscope: Free through the app-store to set up and users on computers can easily view without an account, but there is only a 24-hour playback period making it hard to save your video

Facebook Live: Free livestreaming as easy as clicking “Go live” and filming with your iPhone, but requires viewers to have a Facebook account OR that you make the livestream public (meaning anyone could view it)

The exact settings will differ based on each website’s features, but here are the key settings we recommend adjusting based on your event (these are Zoom settings, as an example):

Registration – not required

Meeting ID – generate automatically

Require Meeting Password

Enable Video (so people don’t have to turn it on themselves)

Enable Telephone and Computer Audio (so people can dial-in by phone too)

Meeting Options

Enable Waiting Room (for security reasons)

Record the Meeting Automatically

2. Planning your event

The key to a successful virtual event is preparation. We recommend you create an agenda and all speakers are confirmed in advance before opening it up to any attendees, but this will depend on the format you want for the event.

Decide the format (assigned speakers, open-mic, etc.)

Designate one facilitator

Designate one person as tech support in case someone needs help during the event (they can go on mute and solve the issue)

Create the agenda

If applicable, choose:

Readings

Music

Designated speakers

Specific stories to be shared

Create the welcome slide or a presentation if you want to share your screen and show pictures

Make list of attendees and gather their contact information (usually email address, but you will want to call those who do not use email and give them the dial-in information)

We recommend doing a test run.

3. Inviting your loved ones

Send an invitation via your preferred method: email, Facebook, calendar event or an online invitation website (we like Evite, Paperless Post, and Minted)

In the invitation, include:

Details about the event so attendees know what to expect (should they be prepared to share a favorite story, joke or memory, should they wear a certain color, etc.)

The link to join by computer

The dial-in phone number (important for seniors who don’t use a computer)

If wake/calling hours/shiva: the Calendly link for each attendee to schedule a timeslot to join the event

You may also choose to include:

Instructions to use the technology, like Zoom’s help center (this can be found on the company’s website for whichever technology you choose)

A request that attendees co-located join the event together (if concerned about participant-count)

A notice that the event will be recorded, if applicable

Reminders to join from a quiet place with strong internet connection and to use headphones if they have trouble hearing

A contact person if they have technological difficulties

4. Hosting a successful event

The leader should do the following to kick off the event:

Consider allowing 5-10 minutes for attendees to join before getting started (you could have music playing and share a welcome screen with pictures of your loved one)

Begin recording the meeting when appropriate

Welcome everyone and introduce key participants (immediate family, speakers, etc.)

Set the stage for how the event will run (what’s the agenda, who is speaking, and if they will open the mic for others)

Share any key reminders (i.e., to use the “chat” feature if they have any issues and the tech support designee will assist, that this may be recorded, how to turn on/off the video feature and that they might be muted if they don’t have a speaking role)

During the event:

You can mute all participants to remove background noise, then ask only the speakers to unmute themselves for their speaking portion

If opening the mic for anyone to speak, encourage attendees to use the “raise your hand” feature or write in the “chat” if they would like to speak

Invite participants to use the chat feature to share stories and memories at the end of the event or throughout

After the event:

Save the chat contents if you’d like to keep what people wrote as a virtual guestbook

Record the event as a keepsake (you may also post it on a private website if you’d like others to be able to access it later or re-watch)

Want more help?

You can email us for assistance with your virtual event at no charge. We also have provided guidelines for conducting a home funeral here.

Peacefully