Writing through grief can help. Here's how to do it.
During your grief experience, committing your thoughts to paper (or digitally) can help you express feelings and come to an understanding about the importance of your loss. Below are a few suggestions for ways to write about, and through, grief.
Grief Journaling:
Grief journaling after a loss can help reconstruct your personal self-narrative, providing a place for expression without fear of judgment. It can also be a way to record your experiences, patterns, and growth. Journaling is a powerful, meditative, and helpful tool that allows you to reach the core of what is distressing by giving a concrete description that helps put emotions into words. As a therapeutic practice, it allows you to take steps toward healing and emotional restoration.
When journaling, let yourself write openly and fearlessly. Try to keep your hands moving, don’t cross things out, don’t worry about spelling or grammar, and don’t try to get logical with what you are writing. It’s important to establish your own routine and determine the best time of day to journal. Finding a place where you are alone and comfortable also prepares you well.
If you are having difficulty starting an entry in your journal, try to get in touch with thoughts, memories, and emotions buried deep within you. The suggestions below may provide a starting point:
I remember when…
The happiest memory of you is…
The greatest lesson I have learned is…
For those who are new to the journaling process, On the Wings of Grief is an online guide to writing a bereavement journal for adults, which includes step-by-step exercises such as “Capturing Dialog: Chronicle Your Wishes and Regrets.”
Gratitude Journaling
Developing gratitude for the things in your life that you may have otherwise taken for granted can have a big impact on your satisfaction. Furthermore, it can provide a sense of peace during a loss. A gratitude journal helps focus on the important things in life and bring joy into the simple things that we may not notice. Below is a list of steps for starting a gratitude journal.
Get a notebook or journal that you can dedicate to this practice
Every night before bed, or when you wake, write down three things that you were grateful for that day
Another option is to write down five things that you are grateful for on a weekly basis
Tip: think of specific and particular details from the day or week, rather than something broad, such as the warm weather
Writing a Letter
If you wish you could have told the person something before he/she died, consider writing a letter to the deceased person. Alternately, the next time you find yourself feeling something about your loved one that you have missed or will miss, you can start to compose.
One way to approach this is to write as though the person is still alive, and tell them all the things you love and appreciate about them. You can write about a favorite memory that you two shared, about how much you miss them, or about everything that has happened since their passing, detailing how you’ve grown and how you continue to honor their memory. Tell them about the event and imagine you can talk to them. What would you tell them? What did they miss? How did you miss them? You can also add photos to the letter.
After writing the letter, consider these options:
Seal it and keep it somewhere private
Check out the website Aftertalk where you can write to a deceased loved one and save it for as long as you wish
Send it to someone who might appreciate it
Share it to others who may also share your emotions via email, Facebook, or social media
If you feel up to it, destroy the letter by burying or burning it