What are "death cafes?" Here's everything you should know.

Although death is a universally shared experience, it generally doesn’t rank well on the list of popular discussion topics.

Jon Underwood tried to change that. A former business development director from London, Underwood started a so-called “death cafe” in his own home, taking inspiration from a Swiss sociologist, Bernard Crettaz.

Underwood sought to create a space where individuals could openly talk about death over—in true British fashion—a cup of tea. Finding great success in the first meeting, Underwood worked to make the movement global. Death Cafe is now a social franchise where those who subscribe to the guide and principles of the movement can post events to the Death Cafe website. Virtual and physical meetups are posted to the website for anyone interested in attending.

Underwood died, suddenly, of a brain hemorrhage caused by undiagnosed leukemia in 2017. But the objective of Death Cafes—“to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives”—lives on.

Rather than grief support or counseling sessions, Death Cafes offer a group dialogue on death. These death discussions often have no agenda or objective; instead, they work to remove the discomfort associated with the death conversation.

Aside from tea and cake, death cafes generally include a moderator and a list of conversation starters. Each moderator designs their own list of starter questions. Examples include “What do you think makes for a good death?” and “How would you like to be remembered?”—good places to start when considering how to plan for death and leave the kind of lasting legacy you want.

Reasons for why people attend varies, with most age groups represented at a given meeting. For those interested in hosting a death cafe, Underwood and his mother Sue Barsky Reid created a guide detailing the various aspects of the meeting. Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, most meetings are accessible virtually (a listing of upcoming death cafes can be found here).

Although death cafes explicitly do not intend to lead individuals to a specific course of action, many find that the discussions ultimately lead to openness in discussing their end-of-life wishes with family.

Society has long reserved talks regarding death and dying for medical professionals, spiritual leaders, and undertakers. We lack exposure to this significant life event, and consequently, we often deal with death poorly. Yet, when you bring together a group of strangers to talk about death, individuals are willing to comfortably engage with the topic, opening up and offering profound insight on death. Ideally, these conversations help us begin to overcome the fear of death, leading to a greater understanding of mortality and a desire to live life to the full.

— Jon Scalabrini