Tips for coping with the loss of a loved one while working

After the loss of a loved one, people often find themselves in need of time—to grieve, to recenter, to step away from the obligations and stresses of daily life. Unfortunately, the reality is that responsibilities can’t be avoided for very long. In corporate America, it is especially hard to escape ongoing work obligations. Here are some helpful tips for those struggling to process grief while maintaining their professional workload.

Bereavement leave

Bereavement leave is time an employee can take off due to the death of a close relative. Unlike other countries, the U.S. does not have any federal laws requiring bereavement leave. The only U.S. state that does have a law requiring bereavement leave is Oregon, which gives employees the option of taking two weeks. (See more details on bereavement leave laws in the U.S. here.)

However, just because there are no federal laws and few state laws on bereavement leave does not mean you can’t secure bereavement leave time. According to research from the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM), 88% of businesses offer paid leave for bereavement. The policy for bereavement leave varies from company to company. The amount of time could vary from 1 to 5 days, and some companies require the bereaved to submit proof of the death of their loved one.

Furthermore, the length of bereavement leave can vary based on if the loved one was immediate family or not, and the amount that is paid can vary from full paid leave to maybe the wages from a portion of the time. To find out about the bereavement policy of your employer, you should contact your human resources department or refer to your employee handbook. 

Even if your company and state doesn’t have any form of bereavement leave, or if the bereavement leave feels too short for you, you have the option to talk with your manager or supervisor and work out an agreement if possible. Most people will be receptive to giving you support and help after the loss of a loved one.

Particularly during Covid-19, you can ask to have a recap or recording of a meeting sent to you if you can’t bring yourself to attend, or if you can push some of your projects or deadlines back. One benefit of being virtual is that your workload and schedule can be very flexible.

Of course, not everyone is comfortable coming to their boss for favors, but sometimes we have to enter uncomfortable situations to get things we need for our own health. 

Bereavement leave for children 

If you have a child who is also experiencing grief, allowing them to take time off from school may help them cope with their feelings. Children are particularly vulnerable to feeling confused, lost, and other negative emotions besides grief because of their young age, and entering a school environment too soon can exacerbate those feelings.

If your child is having a particularly hard time, you can prevent them falling behind in school by coordinating with their teachers to create a plan to keep them on the right track. You can ask the teachers to send them their work, or ask them to extend deadlines for your child. During Covid-19, asking teachers to record their lectures could provide further support for your child’s academics once they feel they are ready to continue their school work.

Take breaks, and breaths

If you ever feel overwhelmed or defeated at work, it’s okay to take the time you need to collect yourself.

Before you get to work, make a plan of what to do if you start feeling depressed. Go to the bathroom, take a short walk or a long lunch; during Covid-19 times, have an excuse for why you need to leave your virtual meeting. Get a snack if that will make you feel a bit better, or just cry and let it out.

Do whatever it takes, whatever you think you need, to get you through the moments where grieving takes a particularly heavy toll. 

Go easy on yourself

Coping with the loss of a loved one and finding the strength to move on should, in an ideal world, be the only thing you have to worry about. Because this isn’t an ideal world, at least allow yourself to prioritize your mental and emotional health over the quality of your work. Let yourself off the hook for mistakes. Especially if you’ve always been an overachiever, and your performance is slipping - maybe you’ve been more tired, maybe you lack motivation - practice self-compassion and forgiveness.

Hopefully, these tips and resources allow you to take the necessary time, even amidst work, to do the most important work of processing a loss. Additionally, if you are having trouble coping and would like to find a grief therapist, visit this page.

— Avery Tamura