Multigenerational Living and Mental Health

Multigenerational living is a phrase that popped up a few years ago as younger millennials had to move back in with family for financial stability or to care for aging parents. Even though it’s an idea that’s continued to float around popular consciousness, it’s a real situation that families across the world have lived in for many generations. While there are of course many emotional, financial, and familial benefits to multigenerational living, this article is going to explore some unintended emotional consequences that can develop when living in this dynamic.

Generational Gap

One potential source of miscommunication and difference of opinion is the generational gap between the youngest and oldest members of a shared household. Living with family often requires a lot of organization, and whether you moved out then returned later or have always lived in the same house it’s important to recognize if a disagreement stems from generational differences. 

Tension can arise from the simplest parts of sharing a home, such as how to load the dishwasher or what days to do the laundry, and it is easiest for the youngest generation family members to feel overlooked when they aren’t given equal consideration within the household. A lot of this anxiety or miscommunication can develop because the youngest person is now an adult but they’re still being treated as a child or not considered on equal footing by their family elders. Depending on family values a culture of absolute respect can be expected between the younger members to the older generation, however, it is also important for older members to regard their younger family members with similar respect by valuing them as adults within the household. 

Despite culture and “that’s the way it's always been”-type thinking, it is important to distribute equal weight to each family member based on their knowledge or preference for certain tasks, their physical ability to complete different chores, and their workload or external factors that determine their free time. One part of creating a healthy and functioning multigenerational house is to have open and constant communication between family members of all ages since it’s likely they’ll have different approaches to living. 

Emotional Communication & Maintaining Boundaries

If there is a complicated or even dysfunctional relationship within a multigenerational household it can create a very complex and potentially toxic living environment. If a younger person moves back in with their family they may be returning to a household where they previously had communication issues or emotional conflicts, and many people have recently had to make this return as the economy and housing/job markets have become more dire. 

As discussed in the first part, bridging the generational gap with older family members may be the key to opening communication and creating a healthier household. However, some families have emotional concerns that go beyond a generation gap or are completely unrelated to age differences. The place you come home to and rest in should be as positive of an environment as possible, and when it comes to living with older and younger family members you may have to find a unique method for communicating your needs and problems to maintain a calm balance within the household. Perhaps your grandfather is most receptive to a conversation about a difficult situation while you are outside walking together, or maybe your younger sister doesn’t have the free time to talk unless you pick her up from school. 

There are many methods for developing a path for communication with your family members, and it is important to talk honestly and respectfully when discussing anything as small as who does the dishes and when to the boundaries that your family has for allowing guests to stay over longer term.

Treat Yourself With Kindness

As the final note to this brief article on the importance of bridging communication differences, I want to leave you the important idea to always treat yourself with kindness when entering or reentering a multigenerational family living situation. 

One major way to take care of yourself when moving back in with family is to dedicate time each week for self care: whether that’s a mini spa day where you go all out with the bath bombs or skincare, going to a cafe or library to have a reading day, or an indulgent afternoon of retail therapy at Target. Spending time with friends and family other than who you live with is also a great way to stay grounded and show yourself kindness, because you’re surrounded by more types of love than just your immediate family. 

Taking care of yourself might mean caring for others, and volunteering with animals or mentoring children or becoming an elderly companion are some examples of connecting with others as a method for loving yourself. Sometimes living with your family as a returning adult or with the transition into adulthood creates complex dynamics, and the biggest advice is to forgive yourself when feeling the complicated emotions that can come with multigenerational living.

Family Living Can Be Difficult and That’s Okay

Financial strain is typically the main motivator for continuing to live with family well into adulthood, and while there are many emotional benefits of living and connecting with your older family while living together as adults it is important to also consider the emotional and mental health consequences. Family dynamics are always complex and not necessarily positive, so please make sure to prioritize your emotional safety when considering the return to a family household.

— K. Chandler