Maintaining your Relationships with the 5 Love Languages

American author Gary Chapman’s bestselling book The 5 Love Languages, delves into the issues that relationships face when trying to communicate. This book, though commonly dealing with romantic relationships, can be helpful for all types of relationships. The 5 Love Languages revolves around ideas that can help you be a better friend. Here are Chapman’s 5 Love Languages and how they can help improve your relationship with your friends and children. 

Words of Affirmation

One way to express love is through using words that build up your significant other. Paying your loved one a compliment or saying words of appreciation can be a powerful tool to use in your relationships. Some examples of this can be telling your children “I love how responsible you are, I feel like I can count on you”, or telling your friends “Thank you for always having my back. You make me feel supported and I don’t take that for granted.” Some may confuse this with flattery. It is not. The difference is flattery can be superficial. Saying words of affirmation is a way to get closer to your significant other by being vulnerable and telling the truth. 

Quality Time

Spending quality time with someone means giving them your undivided attention. It is not enough to simply be around your significant other when their love language is quality time. There is a level of focused attention and quality conversation that make certain people feel loved and appreciated. Some examples of spending quality time with your children looks like going walking and holding their hand while you talk. It can also be taking a family vacation once a year. Quality time with friends looks like sitting down over coffee and catching up with life,  going on a hike, or even just sitting on the beach together. Giving someone your undivided attention can be hard when you have responsibilities like small children or a demanding career. This is why it is important to make an effort to be intentional with the way you plan your time. 

 

Receiving Gifts

Gifts can be a visual symbol of love for some. In fact, it is engrained in our culture in ways we often forget. We give flowers to the people we love. We give a ring of engagement as a symbol of a union. Gifts don’t have to be extravagant or expensive to be special. A gift could be as small as offering a friend something cold to drink when it’s hot outside. It could be giving your children those warm fuzzy socks you had your eye on for a snowy day. People often confuse this love language for materialism. This however, can be seen as an investment, one that strengthens your emotional security with your partner. 

Acts of Service
Have you ever got home after a long day at work? You walk into your house and see that your significant other has made dinner and cleaned the kitchen. If this is something that sounds amazing to you, your love language is probably acts of service. For your children, you are constantly showing them acts of service every time you cook them a meal or help wash their laundry. For a friend this can be a bit tricky. Acts of service can look like taking care of their car when they are out of town. It can look like watering their plants or even helping them clean up after a party. If you or your loved ones have a love language that is considered acts of service, try talking to them about how you can help them out more. 

Physical Touch

Throughout the years, musicians and artists alike have tried to convey the importance of physical touch in their songs. Celine Dion said in her 1996 hit song “…when you touch me like this and when you hold me like that, I just have to admit that it’s all coming back to me.”  The Beatles’ 1963 hit, I wanna hold your hand, was also an expression of physical touch.  Mariah Carey in 2008, sang a song titled Touch my Body; the truth is that physical touch has been associated with love and affection for years. If your child’s love language is physical touch meet them with a hug and a kiss every now and then. Hold their hand when talking to them. Friendships can exhibit physical touch by hugging also. Certain cultures are more comfortable with touch than others, so if you are a person who is comfortable with physical touch remember that not everyone can be. Speak with your friends about hugging and if they accept let them know your love language is physical touch. 

Overall, these 5 love languages are just a few ways that people show their love and appreciation toward one another. Speak with the important people in your life and ask them how they would like to feel loved. Remember that every day is a new day to be a better parent or a better friend.

— Catherine Rosales