How to help an elderly parent who lives far away

Most children leave the nest to spread their wings somewhere else. But as their parents get older, it becomes harder to ensure their parents’ safety from a far distance. If you live far away from your parents and have started to worry about them more or are concerned for their health, here are some ways you can help them and give yourself some peace of mind. 

Help Them To Help Themselves 

If you can’t be there physically with your parent all that often, then the first step to helping them is giving them resources they can turn to when you’re not there. For example, maybe you’ve noticed your parent has been getting less and less active, which many older people tend to do. This inactivity can cause depression, and is associated with a shorter life span.

Instead of visiting them all the time trying to get them outside, it is better to lead them to a more local resource that they will enjoy using. Send them a Facebook page of a book club local to them, or a catalog of classes they can take at their local community college. For more ideas of where to find great hobbies for older adults, click here. You can also point them to resources that better their mind through lifelong learning or help them avoid social isolation, which is very bad for your health.

If your parent is sick or has trouble completing daily tasks, then perhaps you can look for a caregiver that can be with your parent more consistently, or sign them up for services like Instacart that can get their groceries for them.  These services ensure that even if you can’t do things for your parent, there is someone there who can. 

Sharing Responsibilities 

Another way to help your elderly parent is to get more people involved with their care or checking in with them. Maybe you can’t visit your parent every week or month, but if you have siblings, you can each take a month. Then you know that someone is checking in on a consistent basis, while reducing your workload.

If you don’t have siblings, you can also reach out to your parent’s neighbors or friends for updates or help once in awhile. The point is that you’re not alone, and there are probably plenty of people who you could turn to for helping your parents, and this can make you feel better about them being so far away. 

Have An Emergency Plan 

When your parent is far away, it’s natural to worry about what would happen in case of an emergency. To ease some of that anxiety, it’s good to have a plan in place, in case of an accident or other emergency. This involves finding people ahead of time who could step in if you had to leave, such as people to help with your kids, pet, or job. Keep a list of their contact information and agreed-upon roles.

You might also want to have a travel bag that you can easily get to, perhaps with some toiletries or essential clothing. In case of a very serious emergency, you should also make sure you have access to important information such as insurance providers, or important medical information such as your parent’s medication or medical history. 

Stay Connected 

And of course, the best way to help your parent is to do your best to be there for them. Maybe that doesn’t mean be physically there, but have regular contact with them, such as through a weekly or bi-weekly phone call. Let them know it’s okay to tell you if they’re having difficulties and it’s okay to ask for help.

Remembering the people and activities that are important to them can help you feel more connected, so keeping a list of recurring people or events they like to go to can make you feel like you still know involved in your parent’s life, even when it’s been a while since you’ve talked to them because you’ll be able to remember that new friend they made a month ago, or the name of that new store they visited last week. 

While having an older parent live so far away isn’t always ideal, it can give both the parent and the child the freedom to be independent and establish their own lives. When things get rough, you can turn to these tips to make sure you’re doing your best for your parent.

— Avery Tamura