How To Help a Friend Through Grief

Of the many things one friend can be to another, a shoulder to cry on following the death of a loved one is among the most important.

During times of tragedy and loss, a dependable support network consisting of close friends and dependable confidants is vital in order for one to healthily process, and cope with grief. The task of guiding a loved one through the complex maze of emotions that is the grieving process, while noble and wholly meaningful, is complicated, tricky, and loaded with both responsibility and risk. A friend carrying out said responsibilities successfully and effectively has the potential result in the bereaved moving through their grief with minimal long-term effects on their mental health, while one well-meaning mistake made during such turbulent times can have detrimental effects on both the psychological health of the grieving party, and the friendship shared between them and whomever had unintentionally triggered any negative emotions.

Whenever tragedy strikes and you pick up the phone to find that your friend has experienced a loss and is in need of consolation, having a rudimentary idea of the best actions to take in order to assist them through such a difficult ordeal can make all the difference.

When a friend experiences a loss and is seeking solace, the actions that can be taken on their behalf can be considered miniscule from an outside perspective, but during such trying and unprecedented times, the smallest actions can have the most significance.

Keeping an open ear

Likely the easiest of the many things you can do while a friend is working through their grief is to reach out and assure them that you are there and can function to them as a dependable confidant for them. By making sure your friend knows that you are there for them, that they can express themselves and their complicated emotions to you and fear no judgement, they become sure of the fact that not only are they not alone in their struggle to return to normalcy, that they possess a reliable support network ready to help and nurture them through the grieving process, but also that their concerns and anxieties are warranted and deserve to be voiced to someone willing to listen. 

Lending a helping hand

If you have trouble emotionally resonating with other people’s emotions and are  not confident in your ability to provide emotional reassurances, but still want to lend a hand in a friend’s healing process, there are numerous practical actions you can take to help the bereaved. If they seem to be struggling with childcare following their loss, offer to pick up their children from school every other day. If they’re finding difficulty cooking meals while dealing with both their emotional state and affairs concerning funeral services and burial, cook a few meals for them to eat throughout the week. Anything which takes the slighted amount of weight off of their shoulders is of incalculable value in such a high-stress situation. 

Instilling a realistic vision of hope

Arguably the most important, and difficult thing you can do for a friend during times of loss and grief is instilling a sense of hope in them, hope for a brighter future where the pain of grief may still be present, but life can still be enjoyed in spite of such hurt. This task can be considered difficult because it involves maintaining a fine line between offering realistic reassurances and imposing unrealistic expectations for the future. When trying to entice a friend to develop hope for the future, it is best not to tell them that ‘everything’ will get better and eventually nothing will be wrong. To do this means to tell a mistruth to someone who needs a sense of trust and understanding with those around them, and to potentially cause them to falsely feel as if they are damaged to a certain degree due to them never being able to be rid of their pain. By not sugarcoating and stipulating that though the pain of loss will always linger to some capacity, joy and happiness can be acquired in spite of it, realistic expectations are set and future encounters and relapses of grief and other negative emotions are both anticipated and prepared for. 

Keeping an open ear, lending a helping hand, and offering a realistic vision of hope are only three of the many effective ways in which you can help a friend who is experiencing grief following a loss. For more information and methods to guiding your loved one through tragedy, James Madison University and Harvard University offer further resources on the subject. Nobody should have to grieve alone, and making sure that such never happens is one of the many things friends are for. 

— Tucker Shuff