End-of-life reading list: 10 books to help readers cope in difficult times

In the past few years, the body of work about approaching end of life in a graceful and dignified manner, and processing the difficult emotions involved, has greatly expanded. People are writing, and talking, more about end-of-life than possibly ever before.

Tuesdays with Morrie - Mitch Albom: Tuesdays with Morrie is a heartwarming story about how Albom, an author and journalist, would spend his Tuesdays with his ailing former professor Morrie Schwartz, who was suffering from amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS). Albom reunites with Schwartz after many years once he learns of his professor’s illness through a television show, and devotes his time to visiting Schwartz every Tuesday, where the pair discuss Schwartz’s approach to his worsening condition, lessons he learned, and the importance of living life to the fullest.

The Last Lecture - Randy Pausch: Pausch, a professor at Carnegie Mellon University, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and told he had a limited time left to live. The Last Lecture details Pausch’s preparation for his final lecture to his students, which addressed his management of his disease, how he grappled with acceptance and denial, and what his illness taught him about his life, career, and family. Pausch also writes about stories and lessons from his childhood, his relationship with his wife, Jay, and what he would want his children to know about him once they grow older.

When Breath Becomes Air - Paul Kalanithi: When Breath Becomes Air follows the life of Paul Kalanithi, a neurosurgeon who was diagnosed with lung cancer at age 36. The book chronicles Kalanithi’s change in perspective after his diagnosis as he seeks to find meaning in life, come to terms with his new reality, deal with his transition from doctor to patient, and approach death with grace.

Being Mortal - Atul Gawande: As a practicing surgeon, Gawande looks to change the perspective and narrative surrounding medical care. In Being Mortal, Gawande illustrates how medicine is perceived as the practice of attempting to cure a person’s illness, to find ways to keep them alive. However, these methods may not ultimately cure the individual, and instead may make their final days more miserable. Instead, Gawande explains why medical care should be focused on ensuring the best quality of life when a person faces a terminal illness so that they can approach the end of their story in a dignified manner.

The Handbook for Companioning the Mourner - Alan D. Wolfelt: Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt, a death educator and grief counselor, wrote The Handbook for Companioning the Mourner as a guide for offering companionship and support to people who are experiencing grief. In this handbook, Wolfelt illustrates his model for “companionship,” which is to be a friend and partner in the life of a grieving person rather than to eliminate the emotion from the person altogether. This book is especially helpful for people who are close to someone that has recently experienced a loss in their life. (For those interested in this topic, we have also compiled our own set of tips on how to be a good grief listener.)

The Conversation - Angelo Volandes: Volandes, a physician at Harvard Medical School, explores the lessons he learned from his treatment of terminally ill patients. He supports the notion of doctors having “the conversation” with terminally ill patients instead of looking to extend their lives at any cost. This “conversation” refers to a dialogue in which the doctor explains treatment and non-treatment options to the patient and encourages the patient and family to weigh these options and what they would mean for the quality of life before making their final decision.

Intimate Death: How the dying teach us how to live - Marie De Hennezel: de Hennezel, a psychologist for the terminally ill in Paris, shares stories about patients who, instead of fearing a lonely, painful death, are determined to see out the rest of their days with strength and love. A book helpful both for people diagnosed with a terminal illness or those who know someone living with it, Intimate Death will take you inside the tales of de Hennezel’s patients and offer recommendations to help deal with such tragic news.

How We Die: Reflections of Life’s Final Chapter - Sherwin B. Nuland: How We Die examines medical practices in healthcare, and the different approaches to death that are taken by doctors, patients, and family and friends. Drawing on his experience with patients diagnosed with a terminal illness, as well as the loss of loved ones within his own extended family, Nuland seeks to instill in the reader the pursuit of a gracious death rather than a miraculous cure. By detailing the prognosis of certain diseases, Nuland leaves the choice of continuing treatment versus living out one’s last days in comfort to the reader.

Let’s Talk About Death (Over Dinner) - Michael Hebb: Hebb lays out methods to have the difficult conversation about death with family and friends, covering a range of topics related to death such as planning, how the death of someone affects other people, and also how to start a conversation about death and divert it from being a grim and uneasy topic.
When Life Becomes Precious: The Essential Guide for Patients, Loved Ones, and Friends of Those Facing Serious Illnesses - Elise NeeDell Babcock: This book offers tips and strategies for supporting a loved one recently diagnosed with a terminal illness. Learning of a loved one’s condition is never easy for the patient or those close to them. However, there are ways to help ease the anxiety and shock of receiving such news, and also to make sure the person lives out the rest of their days happy and loved, living on in the memories of others. This guide helps the reader learn about how to accompany and love their friend or family member through their last days.