Five Wishes: Personal, Emotional and Spiritual Needs at The End of Life
At Peacefully, we recognize the importance of autonomy and a sense of control at the end of life. Only 30 percent of Americans have talked to their family and friends about what they want their last days to be like, even though most believe it is an important conversation to have. The most common reasons people do not talk about this topic are: not wanting to upset loved ones and feeling anxious thinking about it. As one would expect, thinking about losing the ones we love is something we tend to avoid until the last possible moment.
It is not surprising then that the tasks following the death of a loved one can feel overwhelming. Not only are you grieving and processing a personal loss, but there is also an added responsibility of handling their legacy in the best way. You may be afraid of making mistakes because it feels important to respect their priorities. The confidence and ability to make many important decisions, such as burial arrangements, is often a result of having talked it through beforehand. In other words, to reach a point where you feel calm when making choices before and after the death of a loved one often requires discussing topics that you might want to avoid.
When caring for a dying friend or family member, people appreciate having answers to difficult questions such as: “Do you want to die at home or in hospice?”; “What are your fears?” or “How do you feel about selling the house?”
Peacefully aims to improve knowledge and awareness of things you have to do after someone passes away. When people know about these things in advance and have a clear plan; they don’t feel overwhelmed, make fewer mistakes, and can make choices faster. That is, planning ahead allows you to have important conversations about your final wishes together with your family and friends. One part of planning is making sure you have an updated and detailed living will. Having a living will reduces stress for everyone involved and are key to making sure you get the care you want during your final days.
One tool that can help you have these conversations and create a living will is Five Wishes. Five Wishes was created by The American Bar Association’s Commission on the Legal Problems of the Elderly and Aging with Dignity in 1998. The document was created to address personal, emotional and spiritual needs in addition to medical wishes. The document is written in everyday language and guides you through questions regarding your wishes at the end of life.
Our priorities at such an important time are unique to each and every one of us, and clearly expressing these wishes in detail is central to assuring high-quality care.
The Five Wishes document includes:
Wish 1: The Person I Want to Make Care Decisions for Me When I Can’t
Wish 2: The Kind of Medical Treatment I Want or Don’t Want
Wish 3: How Comfortable I Want to Be
Wish 4: How I Want People to Treat Me
Wish 5: What I Want My Loved Ones to Know