Common misconceptions about miscarriages—and how you can address them
Across countless cultures, expectations are that couples should expand into a family. In spite of those expectations, the amount of childless couples in America continues to climb. Plenty of couples are childless by choice, but others are because of an unpredictable passing. A whopping twenty-five percent of registered pregnancies result in a miscarriage. Miscarriages may be common, but couples that experience them still feel misunderstood. Here are common misconceptions about miscarriages, and the truth that they conceal.
It is a couple’s fault, and/or due to inconsiderate behavior, if they miscarried.
After announcing a miscarriage, a couple is often attacked with assumptions instead of consoled with kind words. Extended family members eagerly ask if the child’s mother was stressed or exercised excessively. These activities cannot actually cause miscarriages; most causes are outside of a couples’ control. For instance, sixty percent of miscarriages occur due to an incorrect number of chromosomes. Genetic events influence miscarriages more than couples’ actions.
A couple that miscarried are not parents.
Couples that miscarried are frequently forgotten on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. They are not sent Hallmark cards with heartfelt messages during the two holidays. Sadly, society does not recognize them as parents. However, witnessing a child’s birth is not a requirement to be a parent; unconditionally loving them is. Couples can cultivate unconditional love for their child as early as conception. Once couples earn the title of “parents,” it can not be taken away.
A couple that miscarried will not remember their child.
We rarely forget our firsts: our first time riding a bike, first day of high school, first kiss, and more. Similarly, couples rarely forget their first moments with their child before a miscarriage. Couples that miscarried have memories of learning they were pregnant, seeing the mother’s baby bump enlarge, and maybe even settling on the perfect name. Keeping ultrasound pictures and hospital bracelets commemorates those sentimental occasions. Brief time with a child can build an everlasting bond.
A couple that miscarried will not grieve.
Grief is not determined by how long we knew someone, but by how much they meant to us. A miscarried child may not have been born into the world, but they mean the world to their parents. Like other people that live with loss, couples that miscarried endure denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Due to stigma, many couples that miscarried suffer through these stages in solitude. Although couples that miscarried do not grieve in public, they grieve in private.
A couple is fine after a miscarriage.
Miscarriages occur in the body, but impact the mind. They can make couples accumulate anxieties and develop depression. These disorders can crush couples’ confidence, optimism, and motivation. These effects can wound couples’ relationships with themselves, each other, and their future children. Couples that miscarried can overcome these prevalent problems with professional specialists and support groups. Miscarriages can inflict pain from the inside out, but counseling and a community can ease it.