How to write a condolence letter

When consoling a grieving friend, family member, or someone close to you, writing them a condolence letter provides space to recognize a loss, honor the deceased, and acknowledge grief. A condolence letter is a personal way to show support at a time that may be difficult. Because everyone’s journey is unique, it is essential to be genuine, sensitive, and sincere when formulating this letter.

The following are suggestions for components you may want to include in your condolence letter:

  • Write your note by hand, if possible; it shows that you took the time to put your thoughts on paper in a thoughtful gesture. 

  • Refer to the deceased by name. When someone dies, many often shy away from mentioning the deceased by name. In truth, most people want to hear about their loved ones, and avoiding their name can end up causing more pain. 

  • Be gentle. Consider the tone that you want to express. Instead of quickly dashing off a text, write the letter with a formality that matches the occasion’s seriousness, and express personal warmth. 

  • Mention the deceased’s positive characteristics. Include specific attributes—for example, how supportive or talented they were. Explain the person’s role in your life or, if necessary, how you otherwise knew the deceased. 

  • Acknowledge unfamiliarity. Sometimes you may not have had a close relationship with the deceased. However, condolence letters can still be sent because you care, or once cared, for them. In such cases, reflect on the affection you felt for the person you are writing about.

  • Share a memory. Adding a favorite memory with the deceased adds personal details that will make your condolence letter feel special and show those grieving how important and impactful their loved one was to others. 

  • Offer help to the bereaved. Sometimes offering specific and practical things, favors like taking their kids for some time during the day or dropping off food, are tangible offers of help that the bereaved can accept and that provide a big help. 

  • Close with an expression of sympathy. Try to avoid using words like “devastated” or “heartbroken” to overshadow the deceased’s friend and family’s feelings. Instead, a simple “I am sorry for your loss” is compelling and sincere. 

Starting your Letter

Be sure to set a personal tone in your condolence letter, which can be done by expressing your sympathies and using the deceased’s name. Remember that the recipient is going through a difficult time and be sensitive about what you are writing. Try to avoid suggestions and instead provide sympathy and condolence. 

Body of your Letter

The main reason for a condolence letter is to express your condolences. Let the recipient know the impact their loved one has made on your life and include fond memories that the person reading may enjoy. Remind the recipient that the deceased has touched your life in remarkable ways and share happy memories amidst the sad situation. 

Ending your letter

After a loved one’s death, various tasks need to be done - all while coping with the grief of loss. So if you can think of something nice for the person, you can add that to your letter. Keep in mind that the recipient will probably be receiving lots of letters or phone calls, so do not be afraid of brevity. If it is challenging to find the right words, one option to end the letter positively is to add a quote.

End your letter with words of comfort that support them through healing, and finally, sign your letter with your full name. Below are some ways to consider ending your letter:

  • “You are in my thoughts”

  • “With warm thoughts and care”

  • “With blessings and prayers”

  • “My sincere condolences”

The recipient will be grateful for your kind thoughts and words. If you have difficulty beginning or forming a condolence letter, sample condolence letters courtesy of the Stanford School of Medicine provide templates that may spark ideas or help the process.

One important thing to remember is to speak from your heart. There is no right or wrong letter. Whether it be a memory of the deceased or simply what you admire, whatever you write should be shared with honesty, respect, and compassion. People grieving the loss of a loved one need to know they are supported and cared for. A condolence letter shows that you are thinking about them during a challenging time of their life.

Jisu Lee