Coping When a Loved One has Dementia

Seeing a loved one develop dementia and experiencing the pain of being forgotten from their memories may be one of the toughest things that you can go through. If your loved one is your parent, you may need to fulfill a caretaker role, completely reversing the dynamic of your previous relationship. Even with a basic understanding of dementia and how it changes people’s personalities and behaviors, it’s still devastating to see it first-hand.

It’s important to know that you are not alone in the whirlwind of emotions that you may be feeling. These feelings may include complicated emotions like resentment, confusion, and loss. Whatever the emotion is, know that whatever you may be feeling is normal and shouldn’t be something to be ashamed about. It’s impossible to just “be okay” with a loved one having this life-debilitating disease but here are some ways on how to cope with a loved one having dementia.

 

Understand the Illness

Gaining an understanding of dementia is an essential part of coping with it. Knowing what type they have and how this will affect their behavior will prepare you in caring for them. You will know why and how the illness affects cognitive function resulting in a better perspective. If your loved one lashes out or hurts your feelings, having the knowledge about their illness will remind you that it is their illness talking, not them. 

Don’t forget to Grieve

It may feel strange grieving over someone who is still alive, you may even feel guilty about it. Don’t feel guilty about grieving, you are going through a difficult and often heartbreaking situation. It will be easier to process the difficult emotions you feel and help you move forward into the caretaker role that they need. Grieving allows you to handle the complex emotions of losing someone. Yes, they are still alive but it’s important to realize that they won’t be the same. Holding on to your previous relationship with them might even bring on feelings of resentment. If your calm, supportive spouse is now a confused, bitter person, don’t expect them to be how they were. It’s not fair to them and it’s not fair to you. If they could change their condition they would. Grieving over this is healthy and normal and it will help you move into the new relationship that you’ll have with them.

 

It’s okay to get help

When grieving, it may be useful to get some respite time to heal. This may be the time to consider hiring a Home Care company with a Dementia Care program. This will ensure that your loved one is being taken care of with professionals that are equipped to deal with this illness. It’s okay to take a step back when needed to process and grieve. It will not only help you, but it will help your loved one because you will be emotionally ready to care for them. Friends and family can provide support as well, but if they haven’t personally dealt with a loved one developing dementia, it may be difficult for them to understand the complicated feelings you may have. It may be useful to join a support group. There are many people that know exactly how you are feeling, which makes it easier to gain an understanding of the difficult situation. 

Having a loved one with dementia is not an easy situation. It’s okay to ask for help and grieve. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a mental health professional if needed. 

 — Madison Calhoon